Family. It brings out the best and worst in us. I love mine and am constantly reminded that they are the ones who knew me before I knew who I was, changed my diapers, paid for my college, and so on. Separation by miles changes things; adding a spouse to the mix makes it different, too. Nevertheless, whatever your circumstances, even living next door to your parents transforms the relationship once you’re out from under their roof. I am blessed to have parents that I respect and get along with, but I can imagine the struggles that some have.
Sophomore year of college, I moved away from home to go to school an hour away. I knew my parents’ influence on my worldview was strong, and though good and well meant, I understood that I also had to grow up, make my own decisions (make my own mistakes) and become my own person.
There were many conversations where it was hard for me to tell where the line was between us as I grew from a sensitive, dependent woman into a decisive, independent one. Ascertaining some of these lines was sometimes painful for both my parents and me, but necessary. As I was growing in my faith and in the knowledge of the world, I learned to filter what they taught me into the framework of what God and my education were teaching me—there were some disagreements and tears during this time.
After college, there were some big life-changing decisions to make: graduate school decisions, relationship decisions, what-to-do-with-my-life decisions. I made an effort to involve my family, even just in praying for me, and they appreciated it. And in smaller things, like roommate relations, money matters, and recipe fixes, I tried to let them into my world. Sometimes, though, it’s not easy when the boundaries that were set as a child begin to change.
I don’t know about your family, but as close as my family is, it seemed hard for my family to let me go. All of this really set in when I met my husband. There were cultural issues to deal with (a southern girl marrying a Yankee?! Heaven forbid!), but my family was also nervous about someone else taking me away from them, giving me a different name, and starting a new family.
A friend and prayer partner suggested I read a book called Boundaries (Zondervan, 1992) by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. The Lord taught me that having some boundaries with parents is good and healthy. In their book, they outline several possibilities of boundary issues one can have with family and offer resolutions to those issues.
On the other hand, some of you are not very close with family. College, moving cross-country, dating a certain person, conflict, and others are reasons to flee from parental influence. In some instances, this feeling is reasonable. But parents, for better or for worse, are important links to our future. They provide important generational, medical, and financial history, and can become a friend in some of the strangest circumstances and in the darkest times.
The command to honor our parents spans the Word of God from cover to cover. It made God’s “Top 10 List,” and as believers, it should be a priority for us, even if giving our parents honor is a hard thing to do. Deuteronomy 5:16 explains the promise that comes with this kind of obedience, “that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
Paul reiterates this verse in Ephesians as he encourages children—of any age—to honor our parents. For us, this may be as simple as checking in with them every couple of weeks over the phone or a short email. It may mean asking your parents how you can pray for them. It may be much bigger like forgiving them or asking their forgiveness for hard feelings or actions in the past (as my Mom added, one of the most joyous men in the Bible is the father of the prodigal son in Luke 15), or perhaps showing them dignity as they pass through the winter season of life. Ask God to show you how you can honor your parents in the New Year.
Lindsey Dugue loves her parents all the way from Chicago to Alabama. They and you can keep up with her at http://thegreycity.blogspot.com.
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family to let me go. All of this really set in when I met my husband. There were cultural issues to deal with (a southern girl marrying a Yankee?! Heaven forbid!), but my family was also nervous about someone else taking me away from them, giving me a different name, and starting a new family. 
Paul reiterates this verse in Ephesians as he encourages children—of any age—to honor our parents. For us, this may be as simple as checking in with them every couple of weeks over the phone or a short email. It may mean asking your parents how you can pray for them. It may be much bigger like forgiving them or asking their forgiveness for hard feelings or actions in the past (as my Mom added, one of the most joyous men in the Bible is the father of the prodigal son in Luke 15), or perhaps showing them dignity as they pass through the winter season of life. Ask God to show you how you can honor your parents in the New Year..jpg)
