Crazy, Big Dreaming
What is it about dreaming big that is so intimidating? I find myself running this question over in my mind these days as I ponder—or maybe I hallucinate in this ridiculous summer heat—how I got to where I am and why I am here.
When I was much younger, my big dream was to marry a godly man (which I did), make some kids (which we have not yet), and head off to the jungles of Mexico to show Jesus Christ to others. A little later, the dream changed to stay stateside and help others find justice in a society where it sometimes seems to hide. About three years ago, a completely new dream came along—to make delicious things for people to eat and shine a light in an industry littered with sin and apathy towards faith.
Some days I wonder how I got so off track from the dream I started with. “Did I miss the path I was supposed to take for stopping to push my rose-colored glasses back up on my nose?” “Did I make a wrong choice or resist God’s will for my life?” Other days I’m full of gratitude that God saw my struggles and made a way for me to do something that makes my heart so full, in a place I love, surrounded by incredible friends and family.
As I said before, I live in Chicago, the best “big city” I could ever dream to live in; where I’m a pastry cook and a candy maker, jobs I only just started dreaming of in the last three years; and we have family nearby and an amazing circle of friends to love. Strangely, Chicago is not Mexico (a place I often dream of returning to). The kitchen is a peculiar mission field, too, where co-workers are usually in no mood for spiritual talk, especially under deadline, and customers just want to eat. Now, I just have to be careful and clever about making my Christian witness known. My heart still aches for those who do not know Christ to find Him, I just need to be attentive to how God wants me to make the introductions.
To be honest with you and myself, I’m afraid of dreaming about my next steps. Do I try to move up the restaurant circuit? Do I shoot for owning my own shop? If so, in Chicago or not? What about other dreams like having children and moving away from this insomniac city?
Leaving big decisions like these at Jesus’ feet is hard. Giving up control of where our lives end up is a difficult, but wise choice. Psalm 139 says, “O Lord, You have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways…You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.” With this kind of promise, of what have we to be afraid? Let’s get to crazy, big dreaming!